mind

its late.
i cant sleep.
the whole house is quiet and my darn brain is wide awake.

on my mind:

*im lucky to have a good group of friends that always gets together for bdays and births and such. we have been together 13 years. love them. when we get together its like we are 15 again.

*what is the gender of this acrobat in my tummy?? the anticipation is killing me!!

*i need to figure out some family traditions for our new little clan. any ideas? we are trying to live simply this Christmas. gifts from mom and dad are = something to wear, read, learn, and share. so each kid is getting 4 gifts. though grandmas spoil them rotten.

*i feel so thankful to live in a ward where the members are very inclusive. my relief society pres calls me at least 2 times a week. jared talks to our missionaries and home teachers and mission leaders at least 1 time a week... we feel so included in everything. which is wonderful for our little family. who is going through a lot lately. what a blessing they have been.

*how am i going to move when im 6 months pregnant? ugh. how?? i can barely mop the floor now days.

*how can a mom not fight for her daughter? ugh. Jared ran into Mya's biological mom at walmart today.. he saw her but she didnt see him. from what jared said it looks like she has fallen off the hypothetical wagon. it has been over a month since she even checked on Mya. im so offended on my daughters behalf. i know my sweet Mya is better and safer with us.... but my heart aches for the day that Mya has to realize her biological mom did not fight even slightly for her. ugh. i enjoy not having to "deal" with her "mom".. but how unfair to Mya to give up on her. .

*on that note. im thankful for Mya. i am thankful she spends holidays with us. that she is healthy. happy. comfortable. i love her as if i raised her from day one. she is my shadow and my life and heart would be incomplete with out her. i feel like she was always meant to be my daughter. and that it was Divine Intervention that Jared - and Kim met. and are raising a family together.

*why...... does pregnancy make you have nightmares? im actually too scared to go to sleep tonight. i cant have another awful dream like last night.

*i hate it. but............i feel slightly liberated with no cell phone. i have more time to focus ....

*what will my Asher be like when he grows up. he is the sweetest little boy. he has a smile that will light up the room. he is constantly giving loves. he is submissive when it comes to sharing. he is timid and tender and smart.. sometimes i look at him i feel like my heart will explode with love. how lucky am i that i get to be his mommy. to say that i adore him in every essence of the word ... is a giant understatement.

*why is my little sister so smart. and organized, and hardworking. she is amazing! she works and goes to school full time. and maintains the most amazing grades. my 19 year old sister inspires me to work harder.

*what was my crack head neighbor thinking .... by claiming to be my husband and trying to steal a package that was mailed to me from Arizona. It was full of 24 month baby girl clothes. what is wrong with you?!

*how can a hair cut make a 1 year old look SO much older.

*why do i love the Beatles soooooooo much? they are constantly in my head. nothing will ever be better.