Myma!

Mya

i have Mya on the brain.

it has been a rough few weeks/months dealing with her birth mother. 

court-- visitation-- preparing for mediation. 

we were awarded full legal and physical custody, but M was still awarded visitation. quite a bit of visitation if you ask me. particularly for a woman who has not been a contributing part of her daughters' life for 98% of its length. 

i feel so helpless. the law sees me as a step mom though i feel so much more. i am not allowed to attend mediation, or take place in exchanges. im the one who cleans the puke out of her hair at 2am but i am not allowed to take part in anything legal. 

its ironic, almost cruel, to know that such a beautiful-perfect-innocent little person came from such a rotten woman. (rotten is a nice way to put it). 

M... her birth mom.... wants Mya around... when she wants to play mommy. she wants to show off how cute she is and how smart she is.. though she has no claim in the person my daughter is. ---- we want Mya around because we cant live with out her. because she is part of us. she is our daughter. my ONLY daughter. 

i am desperately attempting to find peace in my heart. to not feel bitter and used. my google search history is reflecting my brain

-"can step parents attend mediation"

-"step mother support groups in Utah"

-"co-parenting tips"

-"blended family tips"

i am so sad for Mya. she doesnt understand what is going on. (a blessing no doubt).. she is so confused. she talks about mommy (me), her "misty mommy" and her sissys. 

she is such a sweet girl and i think it is a mother's job to teach their daughters to be tender, loving, humble, and polite. Her birth mother does not posses any redeeming qualities. that sounds really bad.... but i truly believe that.. i dont know a single person who could pick a good quality that she possesses. 

Mya loves Heavenly Father and Jesus. i have no doubt that her Father in Heaven will protect her....... and will allow the correct situation to be agreed upon. 

Mya is beautiful, inside and out. she loves making Elliot laugh. she loves cuddling on the couch. she loves talking about Jesus and when he was born. she loves singing. she loves dancing. she loves being treated like a big girl and helping me fold laundry... and using the potty with "no help"... she loves talking about "castles" {temples}. she loves her grandmas. she LOVES princesses... she loves watching movies and coloring. 

a few of my favorite quotes::

*me="your bossy" mya= "no mom, im cute"

*"geeky no, dangerous... "

*"mommy, Jesus born, under the star"

*"i miss daddy, is he at the store?"

*"mommy i love you"

she loves singing Adele. she also mixes twinkle twinkle with I am a child of God..... 

"how i wonder what you are, lead me guide me. walk beside me"

i love Mya. she is so adored by Asher and Elliot. she is so important to us. she is so eager to please and to love and be loved. 

please pray for her ... and that decisions will be made about her that come out of LOVE. and nothing else.