24

well.. its been an "off" birthday for me. not quite sure why. i just seem to be in a rut! birthdays are hard when you reach a certain age.... they become just another day. .. which seems so wrong. at dinner with Ange.. I saw a little blond girl.. about 8 or so.. who was also having a birthday. She had on a red dress (which she showed off to her family) and her hair done all pretty. She sat with her family as they sang to her and gave her gifts and she looked so happy!! I was SO jealous... I want to be 8 again. . . and have MY birthday be a whole event!!
all in all the day was good... though i have had many things to think about and my typical surge of good, bad, sad, and happy emotions.

23 for me...
was an odd year. rightfully so.
it can be put in the pile along with 22 and 21. Years that i wish never to relive. yes.. i learned an incredible amount of lessons.. but .... i hope for brighter years. . . and happier times in my life then what i have been experiencing.
i made some really amazing new friends. and spent a lot of time with my wonderful life long friends..
learned.. again... for the millionth time.... that people may not be who i expect them to be.. and that i must put my trust in myself and in Heavenly Father.. this is a lesson that Heavenly Father really wants me to learn.. and I have ... at times... been way to stubborn to listen. .. . thinking that I KNOW whats best for my life. . when I do not. I can feel myself making baby steps and learning this lesson that i should have learned years ago.
i moved. i worked. i enjoyed many good times..i learned.. which is the purpose of life... and i am ready to move to 24.

In my 24th year.. i will become a mother. i did not expect this situation to play out as it has. i expected myself to do things the "right" way. which..... my life has never gone... in the "right" way. i have never.. and will never... be so grateful for any experience in my life. i feel so blessed (which does not seem like a strong enough word to describe my feelings) that this person. . . whoever he/she is.... has chosen to come live with me!! why me?? Why do i get the privelege of raising you?? of spending the remainder of my days with YOU? why do i get to teach you how to ride your bike?? and how to spell? why do i get to be your mom? your family?? i feel so beyond blessed. . .
i hope to have a good 24th year. i have great great great friends. a good family. my sweet little to meet in a few months. a good job. and everything to be happy about.