plan

maybe its my hormones.. but im super emotional about every little thing!
one minute im grateful .. the next im mad.. the next im sad.. the next im happy. ah! what is wrong with me.??! is it the surge of hormones??
that being said... im surprisingly numb to the drastic changes happening in my life.
im finally seeing people for what they are.
i am also content with the thought of being single for the rest of my days. i know im only 24 but for some reason this scenario weighs heavily on my mind. maybe because i am not the only one i have to worry about from now on.
i never imagined that my life would turn out like this.. i use the term "turn out".. as if this is the END for me?? or as if the last 5 years will define the rest of my time on earth?..?
in many ways they will
in many ways the last 5 years will just be... my early twenties.. and thats all
i feel blessed to be ABLE to be in the situation that i am in.. but i also feel other conflicting emotions.
i am blessed to have good friends, great parents, a fun job, the Savior, and the ability to essentially do what i want with my life. despite my past actions.
i feel my life changing. into what .. im not sure..
i guess we will see
as i have heard a hundred times.. from lots of different sources.. life is what it is. what will it turn out to be??
i have always, and always will be a planner. i have notebooks that hold my endless lists.... of goals, and plans, and needs, and wants..
but.. you can't plan everything... I have no idea where i will be in 5 years. i have hopes.. and dreams.. but no idea!

the biggest tragedy of life is not to live—not to function with your full soul, with your whole life, with enthusiasm, with spirit, with faith, with love