happiness

life is hard. its hard i tell you! sometimes i feel like im constantly waiting for a "break"..
financially, emotionally, in the love department, ..... at times my days blend together and my thoughts ramble on and on in my head. . i wont blog about my stress. my internal conflict. i will try to not list them... though we all know making lists is one of my stress relievers. . .

finding happiness to be a conscious decision has saved me. literally. i pray at night for me to be "happy".. and since the birth of my sweet son.. have rarely found myself unhappy.
what do i attribute this to.? ..............? this face...
how in the world could anyone be anything but crazy happy looking at this adorable face! those cheeks.. those eyes>!?? i mean.. come on!! sometimes its hard to believe he is MINE! ! his half smiles make me cry! his noises and little whimpers bring happiness to my head and heart!!~!

I LOVE being a mom. i love being HIS mom. so much... that....
~i actually worry if my pajamas match, if my hair looks ok, and if i smell good for him
~i touch his face in the middle of the night to semi wake him up because i miss him
~i kiss his chubby cheeks 30-50 times a day
~i break ALL the rules i was told never to break ie, sleeping with him in my bed, holding him way too much, and feeding him whenever he wants.

Dear my faithful kind friends:::
i promise i will stop only "baby blogging".
thank you for humoring me.
i love you.