Kim's Ramblings...... and so ons

Saturday was my sweet friend Debbie's funeral.

It was beautiful. She was spoken so highly of by her family. She was such a wonderful woman. I hope that i can be half the mother she was, so that my children have such tender things to say about me as her children had to say about her. She was a talented, smart, selfless person. She took me into her home when my parents moved to St George. She taught me how to sew... though I know i am far from talented at it. I felt so many things sitting in that Chapel. the ward i grew up in surrounded me. old friends were there. among other people that i was not particularly thrilled about running into. i sat between my mom and my Jared. I thought i would feel awkward.. around some of the people there. but i didnt. i felt wonderful. i felt peaceful. i felt SO insanely happy to be in the life i am in. to be married to Jared. to have 3 children. i have never felt such peace about my past. i had no resentment, or sad feelings. just good feelings. mostly gratitude. to not be in the life i was in. it wasnt a bad life. but it was not a good life. it was a life where i was never good enough, and where love was contingent upon certain things. I am thankful for that peace. and more importantly for no tender feelings for the past. it is a liberating feeling. to be able to leave the past in the past, and to be happy it is the past, and not the present. i am thankful that i met Jared. he is a wonderful husband and person. he is himself and is a loving, loyal man. which was a big change for me. i still have a hard time not trying to pick fights, just because im miserable and cant get it out... i have to remember that i am not miserable anymore. and that life has brought me to a wonderful place with a wonderful family. It was a day full of strange feelings. and sadness at the loss of a sweet woman. i hope Debbie knows how many people were there, and how many people loved her.